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Is Your Marriage Headed For The Dumpster Of Divorce? 5 Steps Toward Getting Help For Your Marriage

It’s happened to everyone. You wake up one morning, look at your spouse and say to yourself, “Who are you and why are you in my bed?” Or, you wake up, look at your spouse and think, “I don’t like I like you much less love you, I’m outta here.” Stop! Before you trash your relationship forever, get help with your marriage and pull it out of the dumpster.

1. Acknowledge Your Imperfections

Start by admitting that you’re not perfect. You can probably list a dozen things that you don’t like about your spouse but have you taken the time to consider what your spouse might like about you? If you want help with your marriage, you have to start with yourself. Are you loving? Are you helpful? Do you treat your spouse with kindness and respect? In short, are you a nice person to live with?

If you answered “no” to any of those questions, then your spouse is entitled to their issues with you as well.

2. Speak Up

If you’ve been sniping at each other rather than talking, make the first move and speak up. Find a quiet time when you can talk and simply say, “Look, I know I’m not perfect but I want this marriage to work, so why don’t you tell me what I can do to help with our marriage?”

Chances are your candidness is going to shock your spouse but it’s also a great first step to get the conversation going.

3. Really Listen

Once your spouse opens up to you, try not to take what they say so personally. They are, hopefully, being honest with you. And if you can get your ego out of your ears and really listen to what they’re saying, acknowledge it and agree to work on it, you’re well on your way to not only becoming a better spouse, but likely being a better person. And, of course, you can make suggestions to your spouse as well.

No, it’s not easy. You may feel like you’ve put your chin out and asked your spouse to take a figurative swing at it. That’s understandable. But whoever said that marriage was easy?

4. Don’t Be Lazy

If you were getting paid to make your marriage last, you would do whatever was necessary to make your spouse happy and content. But with so many other pressures going on in your life, it’s likely that you’ve gotten a bit lazy about your relationship. You know they’re going to be there so why do you have to try so hard? Why? Because you don’t know that they are going to be there. They can get up and leave just as easily as you can. If you don’t want to have the last view of them be their back as they head out the door, pretend that you’re getting paid to have a better marriage and put in the time and effort make it work. A happy marriage is worth more than money.

5. Put Your Spouse on Your “To Do” List

We all have our responsibilities, but it’s very likely that your spouse has slowly but surely slipped to either the bottom of your list or they’ve been completely pushed off.

Of course there are things that you have to do; taking care of the kids, going to work or volunteering, doing household chores, spending time with friends, extended family and so forth. But, you know what, someday, if you’re lucky, you won’t have nearly as many obligations. Your kids will grow, you and/or your spouse will retire, you may downsize your house and so forth. Then, all you’ll be left with is your spouse. So don’t you think you should develop the best relationship you can with them now so that when it’s just the two of you, it will be a time that you can enjoy rather than wondering what you’re supposed to be doing with a virtual stranger?

So dig your marriage out of the dumpster. By choosing to give help to your marriage, you may find that your dumpster diving has brought you a gem.

About the Author

Lucy Morgan-Rowe is the main writer of a help for marriage site that discusses ways on how to Save Marriages that are on the brink of divorce

Josh Blue – Dumpster Diving in Aspen